Part 1 - chicken burritos
In the first episode, I will guide you through making a chicken burrito.
I find that partly clinging to the doors of your pantry/fridge and mostly sitting on the floor in front of it is a great way to balance yourself, while giving you the support you need to take a good, long look inside and see what’s available. This is important - you will be able to apply it to later episodes too.
You will need:
A can of tomatoes (diced, to avoid needing to cut anything and possibly injuring yourself)
A can of corn kernels
A packet of burrito seasoning mix (the kind that accumulate from buying burrito kits just for the tortillas)
Some chicken (I use the fake variety, which is already cut up and won’t give you food poisoning if you understandably fail to cook it properly)
A sachet of tomato salsa (see brackets for seasoning mix)
Sliced jalapeños (only recommended if last night didn’t claim your stomach lining)
As you can see, the ingredients mostly require being taken out of their packaging and being heated together. Do this by first putting the canned tomato and tomato salsa into a frying pan on medium heat. Add the seasoning mix and the corn (drain it) and the (fake) chicken. Now is a good time to check the salt content. If you put the whole seasoning packet in, you probably won’t need any unless you’re a smoker with defunct taste buds or maybe you’re anaemic and your low blood pressure has you craving iodine. Simmer until the sauce starts to reduce - a thicker, dryer sauce will not only taste more like they do it in ‘el pais viejo’ but it will help you keep yourself together when it comes to the eating part.
Before you take your tomato-based wonderpiece off the heat, chuck a tortilla in the microwave for 30 seconds. If you don’t have a microwave because of health reasons, then you should probably go recycle your mobile phone and your wifi modem right now (e.g. get tf off my blog). If you don’t have a microwave because it’s broken, you’re poor or you live with someone who I sort of described above, then heat your tortilla in frying pan without oil, for about 30 seconds on each side.
Be careful when folding your burrito - a cracked tortilla will only lead to saucy heartache. If you have coriander, rip some up and chuck it in. Tearing it rather than chopping prevents flavour transferral onto your chopping board (no joke), and also see canned tomato brackets. If you like sour cream, put some of that on. I didn’t have any so I put some plain yoghurt on mine. It was okay. I thought that’s what Mexican immigrants might do if they had to live in Greece.
Anyway, you’re done! Congratulations. I know it wasn’t easy, but it’s still probably one of the easiest things you’ll do in life. I think this dish goes really nicely with a light, fruity orange juice and the Sarcastaball episode in season 16 of South Park.